It’s the first of February, and I’m at the start of the phd part of my life. I officially start in late March, so I’m in that glorious liminal space that students find themselves in over any summer between the end of one learning level and the next. I hate it.

I was awarded an RTP scholarship – fee offset and stipend – which means that I can do this project instead of returning to the regular workforce. The money is less than the wage I would expect as a masters graduate, but it’s almost double newstart, or jobseeker, or whatever label they’ve attached to the insufficiently funded welfare safety net for the workforce at the moment. The stipend indicates some kind of value of my work, perhaps, or it sets up an obligation between them and me. Either way, it’s very necessary to have.

I’ve purchased Scrivener, and have started to put down some of my ideas from my previous work that might be connected to this project. Later this week I’ll start determining keywords for the literature review process. Thankfully I’ve just completed a minor thesis last year, so I have some idea of the process of getting started and driving my own progress. I’m not sure if I should be spending this time getting a head start on my project, or if I should be using the time as a real break between the haphazardness of last year and the expected stresses of the coming one.

The shape of the year to come is still very fuzzy. The university has not seen fit to communicate much about the actual day-to-day or week-to-week or month-by-month experience of doing the program. Guess I’ll have to wait until late March for that. It’s a little anxiety inducing, feeling so untethered. I am concerned that with my starting date being so late in the semester that I will miss the opportunity to sync with everyone else, to join clubs and meet people. Last year’s thesis felt lonely; I’m hoping that the next three and a half years will be somewhat different.